1:28 am

Have you ever had a feeling that you couldn’t understand but you try to process? It is so overwhelming that you want to it gone? I don’t know what I am feeling right now and I feel silly because of it. How can I have this feeling? How can it just be there for someone that I just barely know? Am I too drowned of feeling longed and loved by a stranger or it is a genuine feeling? I can’t move on and keep looking at that app to know if they actually meet someone new. Why can’t I let them go? Why can’t I just let someone who I just communicate through internet, never have a real communication, eye contact? How can I person make feel this way? 

I am 23, never once I imagined myself falling in love. If I could open my heart to a stranger, I want them to be the one that I can give my heart to, not someone that I only could see from far and probably will not see for long time. 

Maybe it is midnight and I get emotional. Maybe I am too consumed with the idea of love that I had to tell myself that I love them.  Maybe I crave the attention of a stranger. Maybe because I couldn’t break the wall between people that barely know, when one of them shows interest, I recognise their effort that makes me fluttered so much that it crushes the wall. Maybe because I used to be hated by people around me, when someone shows interest, I couldn’t help it but feeling appreciated? 

Or just maybe it is actually love? 

- someone who is afraid of strangers